Sick and tired of the Photoshop

I’m sick and tired of the Photoshop, as it goes in the song…

No, really. I’m sick and tired of editing and liquefying bodies. Chasing perfection that doesn’t really exist. Preaching body positivity, when 90% of my fine art nude portfolio contains bodies and skin additionally manipulated in post-production.

I’m tired of it. Of faking it. Of pretending it not that bad. Or excusing my behaviour with “everyone else does it”. We are not perfect, our bodies are not perfect. Never were, never will be. They are perfectly imperfect , unique, and that’s the beauty of it. How our bodies look has to do with our genes and lifestyle, not of the technical abilities of media professionals.

I’ve been thinking A LOT on the subject for the past several days. What is my work about and how do I present it? Why do I keep retouching bodies, including mine, when I know how harmful this could be to the self-esteem and self-acceptance of the individual. Especially to women.

We’re living in a world where beauty has turned into a plastic-perfect-machine-reproduction result, making us feel not good enough in every aspect of our life. Aren’t we created as we were on purpose? Aren’t we different on purpose? Don’t we have an individual work to do here that is more important than the size of our dress and the brand of our anti-aging cream?

I know I’m not alone in this. I’m sure you have thoughts like this too. And I’m sure part of you thinks your body is not suitable enough for a fine art photo session. Part of you still thinks all those public imagery and celebrity reels are the truth of what human bodies ‘must’ look like. I know, because I’m in that train of thoughts too.

I’ve been a photographer and retoucher for 16 years now, with a close specialisation in artistic nude photography for the past 14. Yet this is the first time where I’m really close to just flip the table and shout: “Basta ya!!”

I have women all around me - family, friends, their children, online followers I don’t even know in person. What is my message? Why do I say to all those unique, beautiful women: “My darling, you’re one of a kind, but let me liquify your waist so you can look like the man-made social standard.” No, this is a hypocrisy and I better stop pretending I’m doing all of us a favour.

It’s time to turn the mirror toward me again. What is the relation I have with my body? What have I builded for the past 34 years, through the whole variety of experience and all the opportunities to learn, accept and get to know myself better. I know how to deliver a professional product, based on that man-made beauty standard, but can I fully reveal my flaws and encourage other women like myself to really love themselves for who they are the way they are? Haven’t we had enough of self hatred and comparison? Isn’t life something to be enjoyed rather than feared we won’t pass through the beauty control?

I know the ego game is never ending, but are we really victims of it or it’s just the easier choice? Can we learn to enjoy and be happy in our everchanging, ageing, marked by life and experiences but super intelligent body?

Photography & Binge Eating

Do you believe in disorders? How do you feel about conditions and abnormal behaviour? Are you from the people who look down on anxiety and depression? Or from those that think being overweight is laziness? Would you be surprised if I tell you that I was one of those people until I saw the cracks in my own behaviour?

Some things do come with age. Like the mature viewpoint over life repeating situations, conditions and behaviours. Our youth is blinding us in thinking we know it best or that certain things won’t happen to us. And as we grow experiencing life, we begin to see the repeating patterns...

The body, as a subject and object, has always been part of my agenda consciously or not. Before I began to see the true beauty of its nude form and having the desire to photograph it, I spent awful amount of time hating, hurting, disrespecting and disagreeing with it. The body that serves me well, guides me. helps me go through good and bad, and always, always listening and replying to me in the way treated it.

As many of us, I’m my own torturer - abusing and harming this what is here to help me, take care of me and guide me through life. From slashing my own skin, through alcohol, drugs, relationships and mainly with food, I’ve harmed and to certain extend continue to harm my own miracle machine. I used my body as a canvas I use to show to the world the pain I feel inside, the emotions I struggle with, looking for remedy in all the wrong places. Instead of just simply listen to what is trying to teach me.

No one is here to help you, baby girl.
You are your own remedy and your own poison.

Is this disturbing you? Knowing that you’re the only one that can help you and you’re the only one that really harms you. Are you ready to see your life differently and take responsibility and control over it? I know it’s hard, but it’s the only way out.

I adore the human form and the capabilities of the body and yet I caught myself bingeing again. I’m out of other substances, but crave to fill the hole in my stomach. A whole that isn’t hunger, but emotions - guild, shame and fear. I did it again - tried to numb the feelings through cookies, not stopping until I felt my stomach full until the top. Can you relate? Then we feel awful. The ego trick us in abusing ourselves and then blame us for doing so. It’s never ending game.

I feel like a fraud - who am I to teach you all of this? How is my personal journey any special and able to help you? Who am I to think I have the right to guide you? - The ego never stops. It never will. Part of teaching through experience is the awareness of the personal problem and woking on the solution. Not having it solved, but consciously, with awareness working on it day after day, situation after situation.

This I’m writing to you, to me, to us, to them. I’m writing this, trying to let go of the feelings eating me inside and tell you that you’re not alone. I do believe we can turn things around, despite how lost we’re feeling right now. I do believe fine art nude photography can help you with accepting your own self and body. I do believe the body is helping us, guiding us, always ready to adjust and adapt to changes. I also understand that it might not happen overnight. Or over days. Or months. It might even takes years.

But we’re not here to serve the ego, but the Soul. I’m not here to keep harming, but the oposite - to try and help, no matter how many times I slip and fall. If I can get up, so can you, so can everyone else.

Be gentle to yourself. Sometimes this is the only way to push through. Nothing lasts forever, this storm too shall pass.

New Portrait Work for an IT Professional

Who said IT guys are not photogenic? Or wait, Italians don’t count?

One of my recent clients was the IT professional Francisco, who came to me for the experience. He wanted some photos of himself for professional purposes, but was mainly curious about having professional photographs of himself.

So we did exactly this - changed outfits, backdrops and positions.

What was more surprising but exciting to me was that he wanted some semi nude photographs too. This proved me once again that people are curious and exciting to see such work of themselves. And also proofs me that the work I do is relatable and beneficial for others too.

Thank you for the trust in choosing me as your photographer, Francesco! It was a pleasure having you in my studio!

New Portrait Work for a Sales Manager

The first male client I had since I’ve moved to the new studio was the sales manager Ramon Espada, who wanted to use the session as a celebration of his life and body for his birthday.

What a beautiful self-love present! Ramon shared with me that this was the first time he would be photographed professionally. But what made the huge difference in the session was the fact that he wanted to use this experience and the photographs as a way to accept his changing body. Now, this is what I’m talking about…

Everyday snaps, selfies and travel memories are great, but a photography session that can help you in building the bridge between your Self and your Body is a different thing. I said it many time and I’ll say it again - I truly believe beautiful photographs of yourself can make you appreciate and love yourself more. Because this is the beginning, the first and most important step into living a more balanced life, where you can give love and appreciation to others - by loving and appreciating yourself first with all the distinguish uniqueness you came to this world with.

What really surprised me, but also deeply complimented me was the fact that he wanted an abstract fine art nude photograph of himself. Something from your type of nudes, he said. He wanted to have such picture of himself, but not necessarily shoring that it’s him, so he can print it and put it on the wall in his house. I was so happy to hear and so pleased to do this for him.

Thank you Ramon for choosing me as your photographer and experiencing the both sides of my photography services!

New Portrait Work for a Service Professional

Every business and service professional deserves a professional visuals. In such way they add to their professionalism, subconsciously assuring clients in the quality of their work.

Recently I had the honour to photograph Tsvety Hadjieva - a book keeper with professional practice for over 25 years, providing her company services to Bulgarian and Spanish market. Her task was simple - professional portraits for her online presence, social media and personal branding.

She came to the studio, we used 1 outfit, 3 looks and the job was done. She was please with the result, and I was even more for I managed to fulfil her expectations and give photographs she loved.