Patterns… not an easy thing to break. Especially if they’re so integrated in your conscious that it’s hard enough to realise them as something that is harming you. Here I am starting the new year looking at one of the oldest problems I’ve had - pleasing people who don’t appreciate me.
You’ve heard about empaths and narcissist, but can you differentiate it clearly every time? Can you see the traces of somebody who’s somehow in the middle of both worlds, who passionately dislike behaviours in others but don’t see that he owns the very same of them? Can you remove yourself easily form somebody you grow loving feelings towards when they make you feel drained rather than energised? When was the last time you used to blame yourself for things that are not even yours? Did you make it out or you’re still there hoping they might see your potential or how much you actually do for them?
Many questions the answers of which are often uncomfortable.
You can make it out, but you need to spent time with yourself. The only way to see who you really are is by speeding time by yourself with yourself and conscious making the effort to get to know yourself - your light and your shadow.
It took me years to be able to see it, yet my pattern is still pulling me to the familiar pain instead of me going towards the less familiar but healthy way of being and living. Many, if not all of my intimate relationships have been toxic. They used me, abused me, left me, blamed me and I still looked towards my faults and how I can better myself so they can “take me back”.
What a waste of precious time.
The truth is my dear is that love, friendship and companionship are not supposed to be hard. They are not supposed to be a way to use one another or for blackmailing. They are not supposed to blame and hurt, but rather respect, support and help towards healing. None of us is perfect, but pointing finger towards the other person is simply avoiding your own responsibility of actions.
Pay attention to what gives you energy and what takes it form you, and that especially includes people close to you. Family is something you need to figure out as you grow and often hared to separe from. However friends and lovers that you let in on your own justice should not make you feel drained, used, belittle and unappreciated. If you don’t feel well, accept it and find a way to let them go. It’s okay.
It’s okay to choose you. It’s okay to walk away from something that is hurting you. It’s okay to put yourself first. It is okay. In fact it is necessary. Nobody else but you knows exactly what You need, and how You feel. So the only way to take care of yourself is to listen to yourself. to make the necessary adjustment and move on in a way that is good for You first.
When was the last time you spent time by yourself for yourself?
